Subtweeting to save the internet. I am not kidding with this next statement: WHAT THE HELL WAS SO WRONG ABOUT MY STUFF ON HUFFPO?


Why are you all still mad at me?

What the hell is going on?



Playas gonna play…?

I can’t tell what’s a subtweet anymore or even if any of it’s real which is why this is here on Tumblr. Every time I try to confront someone about something, they run, so it’s useless to try talk to you plus, the other option is people going “WHA?” and then I feel fucking crazy. Helpful.

Anyway, does telling a female comic that she’s funny make me a playa?

Sure, if she responded, then I went off to someone else, commented, they responded (both with interest) and then I kept them both in conversations, yeah that’d be playing. Right?

But if I tell a female comic that she’s funny, she says thanks, and we go our separate ways… I’m pretty sure, and I could be wrong, but double check for me if you don’t mind… just to make sure… I’m pretty sure… I’m like REALLY certain… THAT THAT’S A COMPLIMENT.

So, anyway, if someone who understands social stuff could just explain to me what I’m supposed to do to respond in a way (like, I don’t know, to Jessica who still won’t acknowledge me in any sort of reality so I’m thinking she’s messing with me, fuck that, or she really wasn’t ever interested OR my computer actually ISN’T hacked like my therapist says)… ANYWAY… so if I could get just a teeny tiny confirmation, direct contact, any of that weird crazy communication I keep looking for… that would be cool… AND THEN once communication has been established, an explanation of the expectation that someone like Jessica might have.

THAT would be awesome.

And if that’s not possible and my computer really IS hacked, please just go away and let me learn on my own in my own life because I still don’t fucking get it and I’m getting fucking tired of the bullshit.

So Brandon thinks Rachel is hot. But Dave has known her since 5th grade and really cares about her a lot. I mean, he doesn’t love her, but he likes her a ton. Like a friend, you know? Anyway, Dave doesn’t trust Brandon’s intentions even though he has known Brandon, like, forever. But then one day, after trying to flirt with Rachel forever; RachelForever is not a 

Wake up the contestant, we are about to begin Morning Face for Cash!

Math: Last year, there were more pears. This year, there are less pears. How many sporks does Randy need if he has never eaten a pear before?

Love is like a balloon: TGI Friday’s used to give it to you for free.

Algebra: Solve for Diane’s ex. Diane is better off now, don’t worry about it. Get off Facebook.

Lackluster? It’s shiny lack, not lacking shiny.